The Bizzness

‘Aw, shur we could all do with a bit of that’… we both guffaw with laughter - it’s a common response, the person I’m speaking with generally laughs an octave louder. I wait a moment, do they want to know more about what I’m working at, they did ask after all. But there is no further enquiry. They look blankly at me, gloss over my words ‘relationship coaching’, and change direction to ask; ‘so how’s the lecturing going?’

I’m not sure if most people don’t wait around long enough to hear what relationship coaching involves because the title includes the word ‘relationship’ and that is far too intimate a topic for the streets of the West of Ireland or is it because they assume it must be some new fad that they should know more about. Or, is it because we all struggle in relationships and most of us are uncomfortable speaking about these struggles?

Intimate relationships expand our repertoire of emotional experiences in positive and negative directions. They can affect the physical and emotional health of relationship partners. It is for these reasons and more that I have chosen to work as a relationship coach. I intend to open up dialogue around the challenges we all face, in and out of romantic relationships. The following are common concerns observed by those considering a relationship coach:

When in a Relationship:

  • I just don’t know about this guy, he’s all of the things I thought I wanted but there’s something not quite right. I don’t feel safe with him. I want to put some space between my thoughts and decide if this is a dangerous, controlling man and what safe steps I can take to leave him.
  • We’ve been together for 12 years, I can’t imagine life without her and I’m scared of being alone again but I’m miserable. I want some space from the relationship to decide what my options are.
  • I’m mad about her. I’m not sure if she feels the same about me so I keep suggesting things to do, places to go and she keeps declining but I know she likes me, she just keeps blowing hot and cold. I want to know how to get close to her without scaring her away.
  • I want to work with someone on a one-to-one basis, independent of my partner. I need to separate my issues from our relationship issues and discover what I want and need.
  • My partner has reconnected with an old friend on Facebook and I've checked her account. They are flirting outrageously. Is this infidelity? I want to gain more clarity on my thinking around this.
  • He has always been obsessed with cleaning and I'm not so tidy. It causes so many arguments between us. During these rows I turn into a child and slam doors and scream. I want to understand why I behave like this, change my behaviour and learn how to communicate more effectively.

When Single:

  • I attract the one’s that show me little or no interest (the 'bad guys'). I can’t stand the 'nice guys’. I want to identify my dating patterns and choose differently next time.
  • I like her but I like a lot of women. I don’t want to commit to anyone but I want to settle down someday. I want to understand my fears around commitment.
  • I'm so needy in relationships, this has scared partners away in the past, I want to understand this behaviour and learn how to relate differently to feel better about myself in future relationships.
  • I feel suffocated, it’s too soon, I’m not even sure I want to date this man but he thinks we're going out together. I’m just out of a long-term relationship and I want to know how to date again.
  • I’m recently single and I’m turned off by online dating, I’m disappointed by every date I go on, it’s so grim out there. I’m 48 and I feel I have no other way to meet someone. I want to feel supported on my journey through online dating.
  • I’m really shy and although I really fancy this woman I see quite regularly, I can’t pluck up the courage to speak to her. I want to build up my confidence to ask her out.

We are exposed to harmful social discourse that can lead to so much misery in and out of intimate relationships. The parallel attitudes surrounding something being wrong with you for wanting or not wanting to be a part of a romantic relationship is pervasive.

As your relationship coach, I will empower you to become aware of your own relationship patterns and dialogue. I will equip you with skills to help you overcome your unique relationship hurdles and achieve your individual goals.

If you would like to arrange a free consultation with me, you can do so by contacting me on annie@relationshipcoach.ie.